Darker Me

Sperm and the Single Girl

Successful 30-something women are turning to the Web to shop for top-notch sperm donors — vetting personality traits, listening to voice samples, and even enduring wait lists.

Michelle Mobilia, a clinical researcher in Boston, Massachusetts, was contemplating gradschool when she saw an episode of Lipstick Jungle that changed her life. “A woman was freezing her eggs, and it hit me: I’m 37, and I want to have children.” Within three months, Mobilia had purchased eight vials of sperm from a bank, an experience she likens to “match.com, because you’re looking for qualities in someone you’d want to date. I used Google for everything.”

Even more surprising is how Mobilia ultimately chose her donor. He met her criteria regarding education and medical history, and he was an open-identity donor, which meant he was willing to be contacted by his sperm-bank offspring when they turned 18 — a fast-growing phenomenon that is putting a new, and human, face on donor insemination (DI). But the clincher for Mobilia was an hour-long audio interview she downloaded from the bank’s Website. “His voice sounded warm and kind,” Mobilia recalls. “I listened to stories about his family, friends, wife, and life experiences. He said he became a donor not for the financial incentive, but to give an amazing gift to an individual or a couple, which was great news after hearing so many guys say flat-out they were doing it for the money. [A donor can make up to $100 per sample.] It was really moving. During the last minute, I had tears rolling down my face, and I knew this was right for me.” 

A similar urge, deep and primal, is driving single women in their 30s, women with solid careers and financials, to forget about finding The One and move ahead with having a baby. Jane Mattes, founder of the New York City-based organization Single Mothers by Choice (SMC), which has over 2,000 members, says that 75 percent go to sperm banks, versus the 25 percent who adopt. The profile of the average woman choosing DI may sound just like your circle of friends and coworkers: “She’s 30 to 45,” Mattes says. “Ninety-nine percent have a college degree and are upper middle class.”