Coming Out Party
Carl and Lisa sit in an upscale living room watching TV. Their son, Brian, enters the front door with Esteban, who is effeminate and scantly dressed.
Lisa: Hi honey!
Brian: Mom, Dad, this is Esteban.
Carl: Oh, hello. Please, come in.
Brian: Look, there’s something I need to tell you guys.
Lisa: Of course, what is it?
Brian: Well, this might come as kind of a shock. I brought Esteban along because he’s been a big part in helping me with all of it. He told me to just be honest with myself, and I think I’m finally ready to do that.
Carl: You can tell us anything, son. We both love you very much.
Brian: Alright, well, basically what I’m trying to say is…He takes a deep breath.
Brian: I think Dad is gay.
Carl and Lisa: What?!
Brian: Come on! I saw how you looked at Esteban when he came in. And if those Prada sunglasses you always wear aren’t gay, then I don’t know what is.
Carl: Brian, sit down. First of all, my sunglasses aren’t gay. They’re chic. Second of all, you know your mother is self-conscious about her weight, so please, leave that out of this.
Lisa: What?
Carl: Now, I don’t know what made you think that I’m gay, but—
Lisa: Your father and I have been married for twenty-five years for God’s sake.
Carl: Right. Which makes this so hard… Lisa, Brian’s right. I’m gay.
Brian: I knew it!
Carl: …with Esteban.
Brian: What!? Esteban? But…I thought we were friends!Esteban sits down next to Carl. They hold hands.
Esteban: We are, Brian. And pretty soon, we’re going to be family.
Lisa: Carl, what the hell is going on?
Carl: I know. I’m sorry you had to find out like this, but Esteban and I are planning to get married in June. Well, a civil union in June. A domestic partnership in June. The point is I want a divorce before June.Everyone sits in stunned silence as Marta, the housekeeper, enters from the kitchen.
Brian: You can’t just run out on us with your gay, Hispanic lover!
Marta suddenly stops and glares at Lisa.
Marta: You swore you wouldn’t tell them until I was ready!
Lisa: (laughs nervously) What? No, Marta…we were just…
Brian: You’re gay too, Mom?!
Lisa: Oh boy…I guess there’s no hiding it anymore. Yes, Brian. Marta and I are lesbians. At first I thought it was just a Latino fetish, but I think we’re in love.They both smile and kiss. Everyone laughs and hugs, except Brian.
Brian: How can you guys do this to me? Do you know what the kids at school are going to say? Do you know how hard it will be to bring home any friends if you guys are both…divorced?!
Carl: A divorce isn’t the end of the world, son. It doesn’t mean we’re still not a family. Isn’t that right, Lisa?
Lisa: Actually, that’s exactly what it means. But think of it as having two families who love you equally.
Esteban: That’s right.
Marta: No, I will never love you.
Lisa: Marta, please.
Brian: I hate you guys!!Brian storms out of the house.
Carl: So when should we tell him about the whole adoption thing?
